10 communication mistakes to avoid for a more peaceful relationship

Communication is a fundamental pillar in all relationships. Having healthy conversations and eradicating doubts is paramount.

 

It also allows us to better understand who we are, and who our partner is. However, it is not always that simple. Sometimes, communication is tedious or even stormy, and it is then necessary to overcome some obstacles present on the way.

We at Bright Side would like to share with you some tips today to improve communication with your partner and to defuse these mental entanglements.

1. Don't walk away in the middle of an argument

We know that arguments often stir up emotions that are anything but pleasant. But that shouldn't be an excuse to leave the discussion abruptly. This can be interpreted as a way of disconnecting from your partner.

Instead, it is better to communicate about the discomfort you are feeling, and explain that you are not feeling well, but that you are ready to continue the conversation at another time. Thus, you talk about your feelings and you show yourself open to resolving the conflict at a more convenient time.

2. Listen, and don't just wait for your turn to talk

Ask yourself this: As you argue, are you actively listening or thinking about the next argument or comment you will make? Quite often, arguments can go wrong, and it is common for us to anticipate the sentences we would like to say when our speaking time comes. Nevertheless, it is obvious that thinking in this way makes us only listen with one ear to the arguments of our partner.

One way to practice active listening is to summarize and “return” to the other what we have just listened to from him, to show that we are paying attention to what he is saying, and that we understand his feelings.

3. Avoid interrupting him when he speaks

Interrupting our partner while he is talking can be seen as a red flag. It can be perceived as invasive and unpleasant; moreover, it gives the impression that we are not listening to the other and that we are not paying attention to them either.

It is easier to listen to our partner and reflect on what we say. Don't be in a hurry, better cultivate patience. Listen carefully to what your companion has to say.

4. Don't let your emotions take over

In a conflict, one of the mistakes we can make is to let ourselves be carried away by the emotions we feel at the time. Even if expressing our feelings is necessary, exposing them hotly is not always good, because in an argument, unpleasant emotions can resurface, and they then take control over what we say. How to avoid this?

It is safer to look for a quiet place to reflect, taking the time to breathe and analyze each of our emotions before resuming the conversation with our partner. Likewise, it is very important to think carefully about what we are going to say and how, in order to have effective and thoughtful communication.

5. Don't generalize

Often, during an argument, we make negative generalizations about the other person, or about a given situation. This is the case, for example, when we use words like “always”, “never” or “again”. Every time we say, "We always argue about the same thing", or "You never understand me", we can cause the other person to feel that indeed, this is always the way it is. , and that it cannot be otherwise. This can generate the feeling that communication is impossible or that it leads to nothing.

Instead, you can replace “what's wrong” with what “could be better”. Try to think of concrete, specific situations, and say how you feel about them. Remember that there are always exceptions, and you can always get something out of every situation.

6. Don't get defensive to prove you're right

One of the most common mistakes when communicating with our partner is getting defensive. This triggers the anticipation of the next arguments and therefore an inattentive listening, as if we were immediately trying to reject what is said. It is also classic to want to take advantage of what we consider to be “mistakes” from our spouse, to argue in our favor.

Instead of using communication to prove our points, it would be healthier and safer to focus on the emotions we are experiencing that are not satisfied, to seek solutions.

7. Don't suppress your frustration just to avoid conflict.

During an argument, it is completely normal to feel frustrated. Also, we may tend to try to suppress this feeling, because we want to avoid conflict or escalate the situation. However, this is not always a good idea, as it can drift into passive-aggressive communication, unintentionally. In addition, over time, the conflict can get worse.

Better to say directly what we have on the heart, in a gentle way. This way, we can feel that we are taking a step back from how we feel, and it will be easier for our partner to listen to us.

8. Start your sentences with “I” instead of “you”

No one likes to show off or feel vulnerable. When you speak in a kind and open way with your partner, starting your sentences with "I", you allow him to understand how you feel. For his part, he will feel more emotionally connected. Trust and intimacy will go hand in hand.

When your partner understands your vision of things, he is more willing to meet your needs but also his own. Instead of saying, "You always come late to our appointments and I don't matter to you," you might say, "When you arrive late to our appointments, I feel like I don't care. doesn't count for you, and it makes me sad, I don't feel up to it".

9. Don't be silent about your needs

Of course, it is very important to listen, because it is part of active communication. Moreover, it is also fundamental to say and communicate what we feel. Our needs and emotions are also important, and not just those of our partner.

It is advisable to be as clear and explicit as possible when we speak, so as not to generate a communication problem. If we don't say what we feel, how could our partner guess it?

10. Does not prevent all communication by becoming icy

A very common mistake is to confuse keeping silent with imposing limits. In reality, it amounts to the same thing, but it is an ambiguous and confusing way of doing it. Boundaries work much better when you set them explicitly. Otherwise, we don't even know when we exceed them.

You have to be more assertive when talking about the limits not to be exceeded, otherwise you could cause more damage than you had planned to avoid.

And you, what other advice would you add to this list to facilitate communication within a couple?