Develop His Charisma: The 9 Pillars of Charismatic Persons
I propose below a fairly complete summary of the book of Olivia Fox hut, "The demystified charisma".
Charismatic people have a strong influence on the people around them.
They are more charming, more persuasive, sometimes even impressive, and all without any apparent effort. They are also more attractive. They are more successful and are much less stressed than the general average.
Research has shown that people under the influence of charismatic leaders are more motivated to follow a vision. Sometimes, even beyond their responsibilities and to make enormous sacrifices in their private life.
We can also see the benefits of developing your charisma beyond the professional circle. Homemakers, for example, must be able to charm and influence all types of people: their children, teachers and other members of the community.
Charism is about all of us, not just political leaders and entrepreneurs. From homemakers to students to doctors, charisma can help you feel happier, healthier and lead a more fulfilling life.
The good news is that each of us can learn to develop his charisma.
1. The myth of charisma
Despite the popular myth, people are not born with charisma. It is a set of behaviors that all of us can learn if we devote the necessary time and patience.
And no matter how natural the magnetism of some people may seem. If these people had an innate charisma, then they would always be captivating.
But nobody is charismatic 24 hours a day. Someone may seem captivating one day and the next day seem totally boring.
This is because charisma is not something magical, but the result of appropriate behavior.
These behaviors are not verbal. If we look charismatic, it is because our body language expresses the states of charisma.
So why is the myth of the charismatic person so popular?
The reason is that we only see the effects of charisma. We do not see the accumulated efforts of the person to assimilate the good behaviors until they become instinctive.
As you can see, everyone can develop their charisma and become charismatic simply by learning, practicing and developing appropriate behaviors.
2. Body language first and foremost
At every moment, you emit signals that are subconsciously perceived by others around you; it's your body language and it reveals your state of mind.
Anxiety for example causes micro-expressions on your face. On the other hand, some signals may be perceived as charismatic. You can happily develop a state of mind that will produce these signals.
The problem is that we do not consciously know how to control every little expression. For example, if you are naturally happy your smile will reflect it.
develop your charism
If we do not know how to directly control our body language, then how can we develop our charisma?
You must be able to control your body language by acting on the part of the brain that manages your non-verbal cues - that is, your subconscious.
Our brain can not tell the difference between imagination and reality. By simply imagining a situation, you will order your brain to send the same orders to your body as if the situation were real.
You must therefore reach a charismatic internal state and your body language will reflect an authentic charisma. Imagine being charismatic and others will see you as charismatic.
3. Charism requires presence
There are many ways to develop your charisma. The main thing is to have presence. It's about being aware of what's happening at all times, being fully with others and listening to them carefully. You will look more charismatic, generate trust, and create a better relationship.
Nowadays, with the constant stimulation we receive through the use of our smartphones, social networks and the media, we find ourselves in a state of partial attention in which we can no longer focus entirely on one single thing.
It is shown that we spend almost half of our time thinking. To think of things other than what we are doing now.
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If you can learn to be more present, you will come out of the crowd and the others will feel important in your presence.
A simple 5-minute conversation with a stranger is enough to make an emotional connection.
This person will feel your attention and feel that it is the most important thing in the world for you at this moment.
4. Charisma is projecting strength and warmth
The survival of our species has always depended on being led by people who were both strong and warm.
In dangerous situations, our ancestors had to be able to discern who the characters were.
group who could protect them. Being able to find such people could often mean the difference between life and death.
We unconsciously judge the combination of strength and warmth as extremely positive. So we look for these signs in others and we try to keep as friends those who have these qualities.
The combination of strength and warmth is a necessary condition to appear charismatic.
Transforming this into practice will depend on your personal style of charisma.
5. The styles of charisma
Not everyone is charismatic in the same way and different situations require different types of charisma.
There are 4 different styles of charisma:
The charisma of presence makes you appear as being entirely present. For example Bill Clinton.
The visionary charism inspires others and gives them the faith to believe in something great. A bit like Steve Jobs.
The caring charisma breaks down in others some psychological barriers of defense. A bit like the Dalai Lama.
And finally, the charisma of authority that gives others the impression that you have the power to change their lives. A bit like Bill Gates.
How to choose the style of charisma that suits you best?
It depends on 3 aspects: your personality, your purpose and the present situation.
When choosing your style, do not go against your natural personality, as this may be counterproductive.
In terms of goals, determine how you would like others to feel and act in front of you. For example, the caring charisma style will be the best choice if you have to communicate bad news. It will help your interlocutor to feel more emotionally confident to accept the news.
You can adapt styles according to the situation by combining or alternating them. This is what highly charismatic people do.
If you decide to try new styles, do it only on occasions when you have very little to lose. For example, express compassion at a networking event, but do not try the visionary charisma style for the first time during an important presentation.
6. Make the first good impression
We all tend to remember the first few times. For example, the first time we meet someone.
The first impression is therefore extremely important and especially because we only have one opportunity to do it.
You must make others feel that you are similar to them. We feel more comfortable with those who behave and look like us because we assume we have things in common such as past, education, or values.
It has been shown that we seek to reaffirm our first impression rather than to see it again. It is customary to think that the first impression is often the right one.
Start at your first meeting by complimenting your interlocutor. Ask open questions and always keep a positive attitude. When it's time to leave, try again to leave the other person with a positive feeling.
7. Overcoming mental and physical discomfort
Being uncomfortable mentally or physically can affect your emotions and perceptions.
Being in a state of anger, suffering from anxiety or self-criticism will influence your thoughts. When this malaise comes out through your body language, it can seriously affect your charisma.
We usually have trouble managing uncertainty. It makes us nervous and prevents us from living in the present.
Develop your charisma
Here are 3 methods to deal with the malaise: to prevent, to recognize and to explain.
Preventing means making sure your comfort is planned in advance.
To recognize is to be present in the moment. The more you will be present, the more you will be attentive to your body language.
By identifying and overcoming the obstacles of your uneasiness, you will take an important step forward to be more charismatic.
Another way to cope with the obstacles of discomfort, especially emotional ones like self-criticism and shame, is to play down the situation.
8. Learn to de-dramatize
Feeling ill-being and negativity is an obstacle to developing one's charisma.
Remember that you are not the only one experiencing this experience and that what is happening is not really important. This is called de-dramatize.
This implies being able to interpret a negative emotion in order to reduce its impact.
A good way to dramatize is to imagine that the negative emotion is felt by a group of people instead of by a single person.
You will be free and you will realize that there is nothing wrong with thinking or feeling what you are feeling right now.
Think of people who have had a similar experience before, especially those you admire and trust.
Dedramatizing can also help combat an emotion that is particularly devastating: shame.
When you feel shame or embarrassment, you do not appear charismatic as your body language does not project strength, warmth or presence.
To appearCharismatic, it is crucial to remove from our emotions the stigma of shame and the gene.
Understand that shame is a normal feeling of the human experience and that every one of us feels it occasionally.
9. Learn not to blame
Overcoming your discomfort can be achieved by de-stigmatizing your negativity.
Feel a comfortable mail and negativity is part of our lives and even for the most balanced people of us.
We are used to considering every physical or mental discomfort as an indication that something is wrong. We still understand that these negative thoughts and emotions should not occur. This makes them difficult to manage.
The best solution is to destigmatize. Remember that such discomforts are totally normal. A simple product of your survival mechanism.
Another way to overcome the discomfort is to neutralize your negativity by realizing that your thoughts are not necessarily in tune with reality.
The reason we are so affected by our negative thoughts comes from the fact that we are convinced that our brain perceives reality without any distortion. But our mind never gives us a complete and accurate picture of reality. We only perceive a small part of the information which is the most important and relevant for us.
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